10 things you don’t know until you’ve done a Season

1 – You’ll miss your sofa and tv more than you can imagine – For six months you share a room with too many bunk beds in it let alone a sofa. No sofas for 6 months + no tv’s for 6 months = 2 weeks of being a couch potato when you get home.

2 – You’ll hate hot tubs – They overflow and cool down, lids get blown off in the wind, people piss in them and guests even bring out their own tester kits to see if you’re doing it properly.

3 – If you weren’t before, you’ll become a napper – 7 am wake ups followed by work followed by skiing followed by work followed by socializing, it takes it out of you.

5 – I’ve never seen a dog on a lead – I mean there’s no where for them to go.

6 – You can live without a phone but not wifi – Barely anyone has data or a french sim so texting and calls become irrelevant (much to all parents anger). Wifi though is the pinnacle of all social media and slope coordinating up until your phone dies when it still has 40% left because it’s too cold.

7 – Window cleaner freezes when it’s too cold – Seriously you try and spray it on and before you know it you’ve made a bigger mess trying to get it off.

8 – Beer and wine shatters if you leave it outside – I’ve seen so many gutted seasonaires and punters who’ve thought they were being clever by keeping their drinks cold until they went back to it that evening and it’s in a million pieces on the floor and their hosts won’t clean it up.

9 – – 7 won’t feel cold – You get so used to the cold that the only time you realize the subzero temperatures is when it’s at least below -10. Car doors freeze shut, a meter of snow falls over night it all just proves how useless the UK can be.

10 – If you leave you windscreen wipers up people will steel them – This happens in France at least. You think you’re being clever by leaving the up so they don’t freeze on but then thinnest morning they’re gone.

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